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Author's profile photo Dan Everett

A Chief Data Officer Christmas Poem

When I was young everything about Santa was a magical. The way he knew what everyone wanted. How he could tell who was naughty and nice. Flying all over the world in a few hours delivering presents. And squeezing down chimneys!

Now that I’m older I realize Santa is really a technology innovator. He uses social media feeds and text analytics to monitor who is naughty and nice in real-time. It’s not reindeer but drones that deliver the presents. How else could he cover the whole world and fit down chimneys? The drones use edge processing capabilities to optimize route delivery based on real-time geographic location and weather data. And of course IoT sensor data is constantly analyzed to predict any issues with the drones to ensure the children get their presents.

Given my new perspective I decided to write this Christmas poem.

It was the night before Christmas and at the North Pole,

The elves were monitoring social media feeds to see who would get coal.

As the Naughty and Nice list blinked green and red,

A commotion broke out about the weather ahead.

The Chief Data Officer said, please let’s have calm,

The machine learning algorithms shouldn’t take long.

And sure enough in a blink of the eye,

The delivery drones were reprogrammed and ready to fly.

Saint Nick just smiled as he looked at his wrist,

And with a touch of his smart watch, the rotors did twist.

To the top of the hangar! And over the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

As the drones flew away into the snow,

The IoT sensors were streaming the show.

Down the chimneys with hardly a sound,

They went right to work spreading presents around.

And when they were done, a recording did play,

Of jolly St. Nick wishing happy holidays.

Echoing softly as the drones flew out of sight,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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      Author's profile photo Former Member
      Former Member
      Far more songs for this time of year are about the pagan traditions incorporated into Christmas or the season itself than celebrating Christ's birth just like most everything about this time of year. For example, bells are heard and mentioned more in songs than Christ is even referenced. Christ's birthday* is a footnote of what this time of year is all about so what is the big deal if someone does or does not say "Merry/Happy Christmas"?

      Even it was not commercialized, Christmas still falls in the time of the year when many have celebrations. The sun has had a huge impact on civilizations so it is only natural for the winter solstace to be celebrated in various ways around the world. It is ignorant to think that the only celebration happening this time of year, even in a predominantly Christian country, is Christmas. While I do not think saying Merry Christmas is a bad thing, it should not be a detractor to say Happy Holidays or acknowledge the many other holidays going on at the same time.

      Personally, I as writers editor love this time of year. Like I've repeatedly said, there are a lot of celebrations going on and it goes on throughout December. What is better than a month (or more) of partying and celebrating?

      * I realize this is not Christ's actual birthday but rather the day in which Christians celebrate it. That it was changed to incorporate other religions and cultures with their own winter solstace celebration does not negate that it is still when Christian's celebrate Christ's birthday.