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Captain Cockup reporting for duty

Coming Around Again

What is it about sport that gets everyone worked up, you can take anyone that normally hates sport of any type, but give them a special occasion, and suddenly, they are the font of all knowledge.

Take the Olympics, every four years we have some of the world’s greatest cheaters, sorry, athletes doing battle for a little piece of history, oh and the media attention and sponsorship that it will bring in.

I have a friend who hates sport, detests football with a passion, cannot see the point in Cricket, and either code of Rugby, forget it. Yet come the Olympics or Commonwealth Games, World Cup, European Championships, even Wimbledon,  he is glued to his armchair, watching everything from clay pigeon shooting to three day eventing, he knows all the facts and figures for the last two years of competition, and normally gets the medal winners, if not places correct!!

Don’t get me wrong, my passions are Football, Rugby Union and Darts, with a bit of Cricket, Motor Racing and Rugby League thrown in for good measure, and yes, like most people in the UK that watch football I have a team, Liverpool, been supporting them since I was very young, early rebellion against my father, a devoted West Ham fan as he grew up in East Ham, a stones throw away from Upton Park, so I know all about the history, players, stats for the last 20 years against most teams, home and abroad.

Ask him to spot the difference between Wayne Rooney and Gary Lineker, and he’s stuck, for those who need the help, Rooney looks like Shrek, Gary wouldn’t look out of place in a home for Bronze Elephants,(I have nothing against Bronze Elephants or Shrek, The first Shrek film is very funny, and Bronze Elephants make great door stops).

What is it about these sporting events? Ok, I like them, you get to see events that wouldn’t normally get any TV time let alone paper inches, we have fit young men and woman, throwing themselves into all sorts of weird and wonderful positions, (Rhythmic Gymnastics, very fit young ladies do that, just look at Gabby Logan), all for that little round disc of glory, now if we could just find an event for Billie Piper that involves her wearing something tight and figure hugging!?!

So here we go for three weeks of blood, sweat and the odd headline you don’t want to see, ‘X Drug cheat thrown out of games’, let’s hope that despite early drugs failures, this is not the tip of the iceberg.

All Fall Down

Reports, I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that I do write a lot of reports, plus I am trying to get the company I work for to be a little more streamlined in the approach to the reports that are already available on the system.

This week has been no exception, after a meeting last week, I was tasked with creating about 12 new reports, some are upgrades of existing reports, where the information they are showing isn’t quite what is now needed.

Normally, I wouldn’t gripe about this, I have been here just over a year, and in that time I have tried to get people to think about the current reports, and if they are really using the majority of them, if not, why not.

This way, we can get rid of about 80% of what is currently on the system, (Some don’t work, some where written for a purpose, five years ago that no longer exists, some just do not have the level of information that is now needed, but have never been up dated).

So we will hopefully whittle down the current list of 300+ reports, down to a more manageable amount, which we know work, are easily fixable and amendable if needs be, and by and large self explanatory, as this is another area of contention.
Looking through some stuff this week, we have three reports, in two different sections that have the same information, only they are in a different order on the page, have a different description, and also a different name, and this is by no means an isolated incident, but will people get rid of them, HELL NO!!!

I like the layout, it’s the same on the other one
I know where it is, We are redoing the folders to make them more relevant
I know the information that it gives me is correct, so are the other three
I want to keep it, I do, I do, I do…, er ok

Tantrums are not good in an office, and always never good in a meeting, but people will not let a beloved, but incorrect report go, even when asked, why, even when the report is run are you getting someone to load the data from that report into a spreadsheet, then checking that against a second report to get the full picture, when this report does all of that for you.

Answer, It doesn’t look the same!?!?!

I know, we all have to deal with these sort of people, and yes I know the best thing to do sometimes is grit your teeth and in your head see them naked, wrapped head to foot in bubble wrap and kicked down the three flights of stairs from my office to the foyer below, although the bubble wrap is optional, but please, lets have some form of tidy up before what little hair I have left on my head goes from the light mousy brown it is now, to something that wouldn’t look out of place on the north face of the Eiger

Thanks for listening, and in the words of the late great Darth Vader, ‘The cape, do you think it’s too much?’

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  • Jeff,

    A couple of my favourite quotes would seem pertinent to your situation:

    Some people are like slinkies – not much good for anything, but it’s still a lot of fun to push them down the stairs.

    PS – on the subject of Rugby League, we have a certain young fellow over here that has recently found himself without a job after an unfortunate toilet accident.  You should be seeing him on your shores fairly soon i’d imagine.