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Fairytale of an adventurer in SAPperlot

Once upon a time, a young adventurer called Geronimo, was heading to a new city looking for another quest. At the city entrance he saw a family standing offside the street sticking their heads together over a map. Kindly he stopped and aksed, if he could help them. “Yes” the father of the family answered “we’re looking for a way to Endless Resources Paradise, but we can’t identify a route to get there.” Fortunately, our hero just came from there and so he was able to show them the shortest and conveniest route to their destination on the map. “When I’ve done my business in this town, I’ll be heading back tomorrow anyway. So, if you don’t mind, you can come with me.” – “No thanks.”, the father replied generous “Very kind of you, but we have our own fancy coatch. That means, it’s not actually our own, but we have rented it very cheap from a guy in town: ‘Cut-My-Own-Throat-Hoster’. And the best of all, he provided us with our own coachman for free” – “No offense, I wish you good luck and a nice journey” Geronimo said good-bye. As he left the city the next day, the family was still standing on the same place “Any problems?” our hero asked. – “Yesterday, you’ve just showed us the route on the map but you didn’t tell us that we have to explain our coachman how he can loose the breaks” they complained. – “Uuups, sorry” Geronimo regretted “I thought your coachman was used to drive a coatch, I couldn’t assume that this is his first ride. Are you sure he has got at least a license to drive?”. – “Of course!” the coatchman interrupted snobbish “May I introduce myself? My name is Max D.B. van Oracle a.k.a. “The AIX“, formerly known as “HP-UX” from Solaris-City, descendant of Lord Unix and Debi-Anne Linux. I know all about coatches. And breaks. And oxes. I grew up in a stable of oxes, so to say”. He turned around and continued feeding the single ox Abap that was designated to pull the coatch. Until he was finished, Geronimo had a little talk with the family and showed them some pictures he made on his last travel on the hills of eXeSseSs. The family was totally expressed by the beatufyul view on top of the hills and decided to make an intermediate stop there on their journey. – “But you have to get another ox from the JayTooEe stable, your single Abap ox won’t be able to climb the steep hills of eXeSseSs” Geronimo explained. – “No problem” the head of the family answered. “Cut-My-Own-Throat-Hoster has lots of them in his stable, we can borrow one of these oxes from him”. After a short goodbye, our young hero was heading to another sub-adventure. Some weeks later, as he came back to the place we know good enough now, you guess it, the family was still standing there and Geronimo examined how the coachman was trying to repress the new ox JayTooEe, he put next to the first one. – “What is he doing to these animals?” Geronimo asked the family, “they won’t start walking while he treats them with a whip. You have to be very sensitive to them, especially to the JayTooEe ones. They are very cranky. Are you sure, this coatchman will get you to Endless Resources Paradise anytime and anyhow?” he asked again “I’m just wondering, because in the meantime, I travelled the route now three times and you haven’t even started your journey yet…” – “No problem”, the family answered “we’re just fine. We have a very special treaty with Cut-My-Own-Throat-Hoster. It won’t cost us anything until we start to move” they explained proudly. – Well, anything but time Geronimo thought you could already be at your destination and lay in the sun, enjoying life…Again, they said good bye and Geronimo continued his journey. To make it short: the next time, our hero came to the city again, you guess it, our well-known family was still standing there. The father of the famliy looked depressed. “Can you please bring us to Endless Resources Paradise? We have the impression, Max isn’t able to drive this coach at all.” – “No problem” Geronimo answered and tried to take place on the drivers seat.  – “No way” the coachman cried “this is my coach and nobody is allowed to drive it.” – “Maybe you let me sit next to you, so you can show me some tricks on driving a coach. I’m sure, I can learn a  lot from you.” Geronimo tried to calm him down and thought by himself and take care that the family will arrive safely at their destination. Max D.B. van Oracle thought about it and then he nodded patronizing after a few seconds. The family started their journey. Finally.  After a few miles, the coach had to stop in front of a huge wall that reached from one horizon to the other. Though there were a lot of tiny doors built-in the wall, none of them was tall enough to let the coach through. Many guards were running from door to door opening it to let someone through. In front of the wall they lit a giant fire to prevent unauthorized trespassers from slipping through their fingers. Nearly every second, there was a knocking on another door, so the poor guards had to jump over there, ask for the trespassing password and let the passengers pass after they checked their luggage. They looked very busy. – “Hey ho, Mr. Guard” Geronimo shouted to one of the guards as he passed the coach “would you be so kind and help us pass this giant wall?” At first, the guard was too busy to answer but then he just gasped “Nobody is allowed to pass this wall without permission. Order of our boss, the Chief Interrogation Officer. What do you want on the other side at all? Just stay here. That would make my and your life easier” – “But we…” Geronimo tried to argue but he realized that it would make no sense arguing with this guard. This quest had to be solved with other weapons. “We’ll rest here for a couple of days” he decided and the family pitched their camp right in front of the wall. At the same evening, Geronimo wrote a letter and put it on a carrier pigeon. The family spent some days, watching the busy guards and made fun on counting the amount of doors they were able to open during a day. On another morning, they were awaken by loud hammering whams. All of the guards were working on a big hole in the wall right there where the street hits the wall. After a few hours it was big enough that the coach could slip through it. The guards waved friendly until the coach disappeared on the horizon. “What a surprise” the father said “what happened there?”. Geronimo answered: “Well, I wrote a letter to the CIO and convinced him, it would be much more secure and less time-consuming if they had just ONE big whole in the wall that could be guarded with less men. It seems he liked that idea…”  So, after all, the family successfully continued their adventurous journey to their destination, Endless Resources Paradise. Will they ever get there? What other quests have to be solved until they arrive? Wait and see… Conclusion: If someone asks you the route to somewhere, don’t just show him the route on the map. First, make sure he has the right vehicle empowered with the right engine, explain him how to move his feet and make sure, the way to the destination is free… Maybe, some people will consider you’re insane, but it’d be the best for the questioner.  The story was influenced by situations at customer-sites. Fortunately, at many different customer-sites. But sometimes it’s everywhere a deja-vu 😉

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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