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Humour@SAP: XV. Top 10 SAP success stories

In the last weeks, when I became this multi-millionaire superstar-writer with my chronology of humorous SAP stories, many colleagues asked me to also mention stories with successful endings, and not always those negative and exaggerated tales. I did not have much time to discuss it with them, as some Hollywood studies were waiting outside for having me sign movie contracts. So I told my colleagues that it is impossible, because only bad news is good news, and that’s what I put in my weblogs.

But I mentioned already in several occasions that SAP folks can be quite stubborn, and the least thing they wanted to do, was leaving my spacious office on top of the hill. In an open discussion with them, we finally agreed to devote one weblog to positive things at SAP, but only if I do not have to mention NetWeaver. They gave me their approval by taking off the chains and untie me from the big conference table. They also withdrew their threat to enlist me for a five week US sales- and ABAP-training.

That’s how civilized people negotiate things.

They left me with some bread and water in the dungeon to be completely undisturbed, gave me a pen and some paper and politely asked me to finish the positive weblog until next morning. The only irritating thing was the guard looking into the cellar every hour. But in my artistic freedom my mind unlocked and selected the topics.

I do not want to talk about those regular gazillion Dollar deals, or the fifth million license contract this week that SAP made. I prefer to talk about the small, but not less important success stories from those Regular-Joe’s, guys and girls like you and you. We read and see so much about those celebrities and me, that we can dedicate this issue to less glamorous and fortunate colleagues.

Luckily, and through my fame as weblogger, I have a pretty good network within SAP and knew many people and success stories. I can tell you an open secret, well-known by any celebrity: since this big success of mine, a lot of colleagues unknown to me try to get close to me, like moths flying around the light. They try to get their own share of fame, and – well – some of them get it, here, in this weblog.

Matthias L., programmer: Created, after a series of unfortunate events, his first bug free Loop-statement. Took a day off afterwards out of exhaustion.

Natascha M., manager: Carried her cup of tea from the coffee-corner to her office without spilling half of the hot liquid on her finger. Noticed afterwards, that it was not tea but hot chocolate that froze due to her slow walking. Rampaged and screamed out of despair for an hour.

Roman B., marketing guru: Had his first undisturbed sleep on an airplane from a tiring business trip, although there were several noisy children on the other seats. Couldn’t explain the crayon paintings on his face and shirt, after he woke up.

Gerd F., department clown, super-hacker: Found the “Recall This Message” button in Outlook. Saved him from promoting to company clown with his fun-mail that he accidentally had sent to an inappropriately large distribution list.

Marc S., apprentice: Figured out how to use the company phones and dial to the SAP headquarter in Germany. Used it to order a box of German sausage.

Lisa J., translator: Found a pretty elegant translation for one of those long German sentences. Unfortunately, her happiness was spoiled, when she noticed that the sentence was in Finnish, not in German.

Srini G., SAP NetWeaver Evangelist: Discovered the hidden button to turn off the uproarious click-sounds in an SAP GUI. Will soon be allowed to return from the lumber room back to his office for a probation period.

Jörg N., performance expert: Killed the beast that had built a full blown spider net between the mouse and his fingers, while he was waiting for the logon to the SAP system. Had to go to the restrooms afterwards, to wash his hands that were full of dead insects. Also used this break to cut his arm long beard.

Norman L., company car driver: Pimped his low rider with an I am an SAP Developer Network 1/256K member bumper sticker. Since then he was flooded with marriage proposals from all over town.

An unnamed board member: Met somebody, who was actually doing what he wanted. Unfortunately, this somebody forgot to bring the sugar for the ordered coffee.

This is the world of SAP, where big successes are built on small ones. Their success is our success.
But when do they let me out of the dungeon? What about my success? Hello! Hello!…..

More anecdotes can be found in the Humour@SAP weblog series.

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  • Now you're getting us an explanation for this photo of yours. I's taken in a dungeon!
    Once you can get out of there, could you use a friendlier one?


  • Singh, SME : Happy to have finally sold the SAP idea to management; by flying three boardmembers to Walldorf for a week to get to know SAP. They attended trainings meant for board-members (GUI navigation on 640, no less) and received complimentary software (GUI, what else, only it was 620) and that did it. Singh is flooded with offers from CEOs(small companies have no CIO) desparate for an 'SAP' in their CVs.

    Guru, NW : Trained the Sheiks in finer points of BPM (Better Petro Market, for all they cared). Rewarded with an oil well for his efforts. Now he must arrange loans from the sheiks to get a road built (you see there is no road to that well, yet).

    Single, M : Getting luckier with his dates now that he has added a 'SDN meets Labs' T-shirt to his collection of Teched, ASUG and mario-is-cool ones.

    • Where do you get these mario-is-cool shirts? 😉

      You gave me an idea and I think now I am obligated to also collect customer success stories in the death-serious humour@sap way...